~IntEreStIng.wIf lUrVe.>an 0rdInaRy gArl l!viNdg a meAninGfuL liFe<~

2011-08-23T00:44:00.002+08:00

My expiry date for you is coming soon.
I will enjoy the last tastes of it until it finally arrives.

just the way you are, continue being yourself KC!

2011-05-22T03:14:00.002+08:00

Sorry I lost you :'(

I shldnt be so careless.
Felt so sorry to my parents yet i'm not brave enough to tell them :(
and i'm thinking that i've thrown away their love for me.
i seriously hate that thought, it's so impt to me :(

it's my good luck charm for exams and my motivation to study when i'm away from home during the exam period.
it helped me through alot when it was my first sem in yr 1.
whenever i'm feeling low and missing home, i looked at it, thought of my family and i was able to get back on track again.
but i've lost it now, what can i do? :'(

i can only show more care and concern from my part for the lost love.
you're irreplaceable and i can only find it back in my memories.

hate you for being so careless KC.
please please do take care of your things and remember them next time.
whatever is gone will not come by again.

2011-05-15T12:58:00.002+08:00

a whole new meaning to the words 'best friend'

we shall find it out soon.

2011-05-05T15:58:00.003+08:00

I've been given a task:

Look around the world while making sure the 2 drops of oil remain in the spoon.

This is somewhat the same as my other favourite line:

the greener pasture and the stay-at-home.

This is the life which I deemed as successful and which I can leave the world with no regrets if I've lived it (:

2011-04-18T20:14:00.003+08:00

In love, it's better to know and get disappointed, than to not know and always wonder.

Thank you for letting me know although the truth does hurt quite a bit.
I figure that I'll rather have a cool friendship with you.
Every actions and gestures you made, I'm going to treat them as normal stuffs that you would have done to all your friends.
For now, just give me the time to get over you and move on before I can treat you as a normal friend and enjoy our trip tog in June.

You've been through this quite a few times.
You know how to handle all these.
Stay strong and move on girl!
There'll bound be one someday who will stop all these cycles.

And thanks love ZHU for giving me all the right reasons and energy to move on.
We are the strong girls we want ourselves to be :)

2011-04-11T18:13:00.003+08:00

I think I know why I don't like to study that early already.
Studying often gives me time to think about alot stuffs.
Unrelated to studies of course.
Unrealistic and hopeless wishes to be exact.

All these thinkings are feeding on to my wishful desires which can't be fulfiled.
Gotta eradicate these thoughts and give my full focus onto my studies.
It's just the start and I've gotten a long way to go (:

2011-03-02T04:49:00.003+08:00

it's been quite some time.
life has been really busy and that explains why i'm blogging at this ungodly hr.
school life is supposed to be hectic for me but i've been neglecting it and prioritizing hall stuffs over it. that's why i'm not even feeling anything about failing grades or even try to study for my quizzes.
i seriously need to wake up my idea! :(

hall is indeed a great experience for me no doubt. but when i took up too many commitments in hall, it's slowly becoming a burden and a chore to me. i'm not regretting about taking up these stuffs, but all the responsibilities that follow are weighing me down. i should have done this more maturely. so much of me trying to do the best out of everything.
i've now learned how to sacrifice, only do things that match my potential and know what are the most important things to me.

sorry my family and friends (W6, bada, py, coursemates) for not being able to be there for many things. sorry for the many rejections of outings and putting hall stuffs before you guys. hall stuffs shldn't even took out so much of my time if not of my post.
whatever it is, I really really appreciate you guys for not walking out on me during this period when i neglected most of you. Your constant encouragement, care and concern and efforts to pull me to the few outings kept me in the loop with all of you girls. i'm really thankful for that and you girls are really my truest friends. hugs (:

i'm really feeling apologetic towards my family. whenever i need stuffs for hall, they are the ones who i first contacted to try to get things from them. although they grumble a bit whenever i did these many times, they try their best to get me what i want. i haven't been staying home for more than 2 days every weekends since last sem and i have never had a proper Sunday dinner with them this sem. i missed all those :( i'm such a bad daughter. i'm not even calling home and i felt detached from them whenever i returned home because things have been happening at home and i'm not updating myself with them or even showing concern for the family :( even if this is so, they are always understanding and welcome me home with heartwarming smiles. seriously, there can never be another place i called home. thanks for always been there, family. i love you, papa mama didis! i'll make up for the lost time once this sem is over.

----

something strange has been going on lately.
he gave me 1 stalk of rose on Vday, saying it's a token of appreciation for my constant support and encouragement during his trying busy period.
heightened hopes were dashed when his roomie told me not to think too much.
ok fine, i took it that way.
episode continues when we started playing the childish "You're my BF/You're my GF" game one day.
i was expecting that was his sudden weird behavior but no, it continues on and i played along.

it has been 2 weeks since he did so.
just when i'm slowly thinking of the many possibilities, i suddenly see this whole drama in a new light.

He's really just playing. He just says things for the fun of it. He's never serious.
And He's just not that into you.

Thank God for the enlightenment and halting me at the path before i really fall for him.

to 47252766:
We never know what the future has in hold for us. I'm glad i'm able to encourage you during your difficult times. The reason that you're playing such a game with me may be due to your gratitude towards me. There are many other ppl who are helping you along now and sooner or later, you're going to forget what i've done for you. it'll be good if you don't play such a game because 1 day, you might really break one's heart. now that i've understood the games rules, i'm more than willing to play along since there hardly will be another time. it's fun anyway. (:

frankly speaking, before i realized the truth behind all these, i really thought us 2 might be possible (: but i guessed eventually, we're not. but it's ok! i've been learning all my life about how to crush on someone and unlike him in the shortest possible time. this is just another cycle that is all too familiar.

thank you for the flutters, for the short-lived happiness and for the efforts in playing along with me. your willingness to play with me shows that at least i'm still being looked upon as a girl despite the many masculine features and manly character that i've.

i hope you get to find someone whom you will not want any game-play with her and i'll find one who doesn't play childish game with me and really go all out to make me fall for him. i wish both of us the best. :D

and oh yeah, thanks for teaching me these:
'You've lost once you start putting in your true feelings in a game;
The loser is always the one who get serious in a game-play'

much lessons learnt and love felt over this 1 to 2 weeks (14/2-26/2).
thank you for the memories (: cheers to our friendship!

ok time to hit the sack. good morning world!

2011-01-26T03:37:00.000+08:00

God has not promised skies always blue,
flower-strewn pathways all our lives through.
Life is like an ocean tide, which comes in and goes out.
The sufferings one has been through may eventually give birth to his success.

'The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears'

-Kurt Vonnegut

2010-12-09T18:26:00.003+08:00

Counting down to Christmas with lovely friends
and a world of snow <3

I want my old fashioned street lamp outside my English cottage with a chimney.

2010-12-01T22:43:00.002+08:00

i don't like socializing.
not when there's a lack of purpose.

i love hanging out with my girls, not with ppl for some lame reasons to kill time
i don't have that much time to kill.

it's not that i'm going to make good use of the time, but i really don't have energy in keeping the fake smiles on and the on-off attention span that i can give you shows how uninterested i am.

i don't care about you having more interactions with others.
i can't be bother.
if given a choice, i'll rather stay locked up in my own room.

i'm not even sick of my roomie.
you're just getting on my nerves.
and i know i'm getting on your nerves too but heck!

this sem is ending and next sem will be, soon.
i just want to get over it quick and get it done with.

peace will resume after that (:

2010-12-01T01:47:00.003+08:00

i'm a weak individual.
a really really weak-minded individual.

everytime, i allow distractions and temptations to get the best out of me.

where's the will?
where's the way?

and i hate the sleeping bug. :(

2010-11-25T14:46:00.001+08:00

http://www.shoppinglifestyle.com/health/lbw/silence-your-inner-critic/1330/1/

2010-11-22T16:12:00.003+08:00

self-doubt sets in again and it's a test to self-worth.

i'm not a person who do stuffs for others genuinely.
i expect something in return.
so when i do anything for you next time, i'm not doing it whole-heartedly.

sorry, i did it on purpose.
to make me feel noble for helping someone.
to find my worth for providing help.

i never know how to strike good conversation and maintain it,
all i can do is give you my best smile and everything just ends there awkwardly.

and bull shit about the optimism in me.
i'm the biggest pessimist of you all.
and i'm not 坚强 at all.
all the inspirational/motivation quotes i've posted just showed how insecure i am.
i use those quotes to try to portray myself as the optimist,
and to comfort myself that there's a better tmr.

what you see is not the real me.
i'm masked by something which i don't even know myself.

i was never once real to anyone.
maybe not that harsh but i've forgotten which part of me is real.
i'm a superficial person and it's hard trying to perfect.

and don't praise me, all those praises are the reasons for my superficiality and will only make me more superficial.

i need a supermassive black hole.

and don't feel sad for me. thank god i've decided to face this side of me.

2010-11-06T12:31:00.003+08:00

So it has been 9weeks into school term and hall life. What have I achieved so far?
Did I train myself to be a stronger person?
Did I put in all my heart in doing the things I ought to do?
Most importantly, am I mature enough and think the adult way?
It's a sad No to all :(

I'm still waiting to take orders and instructions from my boss without taking much initiative.
and i'm not doing my school work properly! I was the inefficient one in my project group and handed up the most sloppish work, hoping secretly to get a pass. But the leader in our group did not let it go and point it straight out to me, right in my face! It's a good thing to me. Somebody's got to give me a wake up call! My actions are hindering the progress of the group and I cannot be so selfish! I really need to wake up my idea and start doing my work seriously. Hall can no longer be the stupid reason I gave myself for my poor performances in school. Even if I wanted to mention hall, did I do my hall stuffs well in the first place? Not really. My position is such an ambigious one. I don't dare to talk or initiate stuffs in fear of her insecurities. I don't want to make her feel I'm taking over her position. Ended up, here I am, waiting for instructions and worry about not doing my part well.

All these things are straining me mentally and physically. It's really a test to my character and myself. How I'm going to juggle the things well and not burden the rest. I need to be responsible for my own decision and the consequences that follow. It's not an excuse to say I've many stuffs in hand, hence that's why I'm behaving this way. What I should have done was know clear of all my responsibilities as a a.cult, cgl and as a student and give all my roles undivided attention and concern.

I'm losing myself in this sea of confusion, voices in my head and doubt.
Am I going to survive this battle VS MYSELF?
Am I able to?

First thing first, I must start doing all my work whole-heartedly. No more getting-it-done-fast and submit them any-o-how

Jiayou(:

2010-09-27T12:13:00.002+08:00

我們所奢求的都是由自己頭腦構築出來的虛榮想像.

所謂傳說,所謂童話,

似乎都是讓我們忽視

真正在身邊的那可能帶來溫暖幸福的

愛的機會.

究竟要追求的

該是夢寐以求的在電影漫畫電視上所看到的 '都市傳說',

還是真正的平淡幸福呢??

2010-09-26T20:06:00.002+08:00

关心别人，唯一的原则就是从对方的角度出发，而不是用自己的想法代替别人的需要，没有什么比恰到好处的体贴更能俘虏人心了。

2010-09-21T16:29:00.000+08:00

再美的煙火, 要是看多了, 也不美麗了...

2010-09-20T11:59:00.002+08:00

原來, 我一直鞭策自己...

試圖讓自己變成一個可以堅強獨立生活的人..

甚至成為了一個不須任何依靠...不求任何肩膀的人...

為的就是可以增加自己的魅力以及附加價值...

殊不知...這反而是阻礙我跟愛情之間的一道高牆?

So is this telling me to change again?

It's ok, nothing much to worry about. ，

2010-09-12T16:47:00.005+08:00

It's time for me to grow up and think more maturely. Frankly speaking, I've told myself this too many a times but I just can't seem to change. I got to change for good this time round. My immaturity in thinking and pettitness towards others are sooner or later going to harm my relationships with the rest.

I've learnt this from somewhere. Always treat others with an openmind and accept who they are. I've been asking people to accept who I am as a person but i failed terribly when it comes to me accepting the rest. I'm so lousy to the extent that I would find people who can't accept that particular person and we start talking stuffs about them. It was so exciting and pleasing when we talk about it but it hits me after that that i'm such a HYPOCRITE! I can't bear such a thought and I'm overcome with guilt. I should stop all these talking behind one's back! Even if that person does things that way, that's not the right thing for me to do either.

We're friends! How can I ever forget everything about sharing our problems and guiding one another? Stupid! All these unhappiness with one another, misunderstanding and the subsequent loss of courage to talk to the other party about the unhappy stuffs are going to ruin the relationship. We need to be harsh in the beginning and accepting as we go along in order to see our friendship blossoms into a strong and sturdy one. It's hard to build a friendship but I feel that it's all worth a try because it's you (:

Let me not forget the importance of a mature mentality in handling things.
Hope everyone elses does too.

2010-09-09T18:53:00.002+08:00

2nd week of sch and i've skipped 2 lectures and 1 tutorial.
on top of that, i'm either dozing off during lecture or spacing out.
way to go KC.

i better get my engine started before other commitments kick in.
i need to show my capability and not how i waste my life away.

2010-08-13T15:40:00.001+08:00

'being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect.
it means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.'

2010-08-10T21:44:00.000+08:00

"I don’t want to be somebody’s crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don’t want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it, too. I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me. And if they do something I don’t like, I’ll tell them."

-Someone yet again.

2010-07-20T00:27:00.002+08:00

You may think you have challenges, but you have so many blessings.
Sometimes it takes only a moment of conscious effort to recognize those blessings.
Once you focus on the gifts instead of the problems, your whole perspective will change and you will see blessings everywhere.

2010-07-14T02:05:00.004+08:00

don't crack your brains thinking of what to get for me for my birthday.
just be there for me and for one another when hard times come.
and to feel real warm and fuzzy inside when we think of one another.
sometimes, not all are shared among each and everyone of us, but the thought of trust and mutual understanding to one another's situation and problems are what i love most in our friendship.
we may not be the first persons all of us think of if something happened but we know deep down, somehow(though don't know how) it's ultimately the 6 of us(i hope so!).

so for this year, i wish the best for my family, our friendship, for your health, happiness and everything important to you.
a bit early to wish but that's all i want :)
i don't need surprises, i just love birthday celebrations with you guys as long as all of you are there.

loves! :D

2010-07-03T10:44:00.003+08:00

you can never do enough for your family.
they've given you so many things.
ok then, i shall be like my cousin and give back to my family at the same time (:

winning it all or losing it all?
the answer lies in your perspective to things.

2010-06-24T15:15:00.002+08:00

i want to be like my cousin.
chasing for what i want after i've done everything for my family.
someday soon (:

2010-06-17T22:54:00.005+08:00

these 2 weeks when you're away will surely get you guys somewhere.
i would love to see a brighter you and a stronger you,
not one easily affected by whatever he says or does.

call this green.
i've learned my lessons.
just go your own ways.
no one will ever cross your path again.

2010-06-15T23:06:00.003+08:00

spend time mending a broken heart later?
might as well use the time to keep the distance between you and him.
whatever it is, your heart never lies.
i know you can't break away from him just yet, so take it slowly.
feelings will fade and new chapter will begin.
you've all of my support.
just don't let him hurt you in ways that you don't know.

付出真心才会得到真心，却也可能被伤得彻底。
保持距离就能保护自己，却也注定会永远寂寞。
oh wow.
how true can this get?
where do you strike the balance?
we've got years to ponder...

2010-06-10T01:34:00.003+08:00

Thanks to all my friends who have stand by me all this while.
The love and concern you guys gave are the greatest gifts i can ever get from any other body else.
I know I'm not alone and you guys aren't too.
Thanks for all the words of encouragement and the many lil gestures that warm my heart.
You guys don't know how precious those things meant to me and how much i treasure all of you.
I may not show how much I love you guys but really, deep down, all of you are the most wonderful ppl that occurs to me.
Can't thank you all enough. (:

So, I shall not let you down, pick myself up and continue to be the KC, who you all have always known :D
Thanks, friends,

really, THANKS! <3

2010-06-02T12:53:00.007+08:00

never ever be a shield.

correction. girls should never be a shield to anyone.

there is nothing wrong in protecting our loved ones(and that includes your family and friends), but when it comes to an extent when you are totally throwing yourself open to protect that person, it's time to stop.

because you're losing it.

you earned their laughters and they will engage you when something like that happen next time, but still you're eventually losing it.

What does a shield do?

A shield protects the one who needs to be protected from countless attacks by taking in everything that comes. It's strong and is being used whenever the victim is in danger.

After the war has been fought. the victim is saved and gained sympathy.

The shield? All torn, battled and left aside.

People see the shield as this and will say it's a job well done in fulfilling its responsibility. They never try to understand deeper.

The shield can only accept that, stand up and get ready to protect again.

Up till here, I'll always wonder and this may sound absurd

'When will there ever be somebody coming forward and protect the shield?'

So which is me -Shield or Victim?

Some may say no but i think i'm the shield, sadly.

Ok, so you need to do a dare. Who do you pull along with you? ME.

And being the ever loud me, I do the dare as what it is so that it's going to be fun and no one will think us as spoilers, but what are you doing? Doing it so lady-like and shyly, making me a joke and embarrassment to all.

worst still, others will only see you blushing at one corner because of the dare and comfort you.

and what does that make me? KC=embarrassment and to them all, it's normal for me to be like that.

thinking me as that, hence treating me that way, thanks ppl.

I'm not saying i hate you for this, i still love you(really).

I can only blame myself for giving people the idea and that image.

What kind of image can one big-sized person have?

Ok, i'm a tad fatter now and i know i can shed that away but how skinny can i get?

50? I doubt so even if i go on a crazy strict diet and jeopardize my health.

Everyone's body is different and my body just happens to be like that, so hell no am i going to do that.

Even if i become skinner, i'm still big-sized since i'm already structured that way.

so how should i act?

gentle, demure, sitting at the corner, smile when a joke is said and laugh softly when the lamest one is being told? wth, NO.

ppl may think i'm stereotyping(or whatever it is) that big ppl do everything loudly and vice versa, but isn't that what it always is?

the loudness in a small person can be played down because of his/her size and if i try to be demure, it'll only disgust ppl.

and don't start telling me a lot other westerners are lady-like and gentle.

the comparison doesn't stand because they are from a different league.

so i do what i think ppl like me should do.

loud, laugh like there's no tmr, joke around, create the atmosphere, take the dares, earn their laughters and finally the embarrassment is born.

ok i don't deny all that and i'm not saying all these are the fake sides of me. i do all those things genuinely.

but people only remember these sides of me.

Wild, siao, crazy, auntie and chiongster.

yeah, these sides are true but have they ever try to explore my other sides?

hmm. thinking about it, i think no one knows what my other sides are.

stupid KC, it still lies in you!

i show those crazy sides to people 24/7. how are they going to know me better?

plain brainless :(

from all these, i can see myself.

YOU'VE GOT A BIG EGO!!

why do you always want to stand in the front and take the lead? EGO.

why do you have to be that loud? EGO.

why do you want always want to create the fun atmosphere and be the laughing stock? EGO.

why do you show your enthusiasm in almost everything? EGO.

why do you always want to prove yourself? EGO.

and the list goes on...

typical leo. you and your stupid ego. you just don't want to miss out any fun, yeah?

no wonder ppl see you as that way. blame no one but yourself for this.

i think it's hard for one to let go of their ego, which is also true for me.

as long as my ego is there, there's no way i'm ditching my crazy sides.

wth again, this post is for me to find ways to improve myself and i'm back to this again.

am i just that stupid to enlighten myself? gosh.

ok, i can't think now.

I'll just continue to be this way.

Be the shield(and maybe regret later) and do enjoy the moments(and maybe regret later for being too high).

See, now you know why i have so many previous posts of me regretting.

Those are the days of my wildness, much thanks to my stupidity and ego.

But most importantly, I need to learn to self-respect and self-love.

I may be joking a bit at that last bit but 自爱 is what i should practise from now on.

I must love myself for what I am and respect that.

Seeing my post up till here, i'm glad for another thing.

I'm glad I don't have a boyfriend, seriously!

maybe it's my looks or personality that scare ppl off.

if it was the KC an hr ago, i would blame myself for being like that, behaving this way and doing all those unglamorous stuffs. then i would try very hard to change myself so that maybe i can have higher chances of getting my catch. knock my head to even think of that. how long can i put up with my pretence and how long will my rls last if my pretence is gone?

with 自爱, i'm going my improved own ways (:

i was still thinking if there is any other girl like me.

all my other girlfriends are siao and fun to be with too but i can say that i do help a little to bring those sides of them out because i'm much more crazier than them and do more embarrassing stuffs. you can ask them, right friends?

i'm a bad influenece.

i apologise if i've tarnish your image because of my presence.

hard for ppl not to link the siao and her friends together, right?

SORRY!

so please, please, please stop me when i'm too over.

at least save yourself from such a friend (:

if there's really one person i can think of being as loud as me,

she's my MUM! :D

i must have gotten my genes from her.

she's very very LOUD, greets everyone loudly and is responsible to bring up the atmosphere of every functions and weddings.

my brothers and i are always saying we're paiseh because of her being like that, but looking at it now, my Mum is well-loved by many and she doesn't care much of how others think of her(and that i must really learn from her).

whenever my Mama becomes that loud in front of many people, i would turn to my Papa to see if he would try to stop her.

but there's my Papa, smiling widely with teeth showing and eyes forming a line, looking on and having the look 'that loud woman is my wife'.

oh my, there's the most beautiful moment i think and i'm glad my parents are like that (:

I still have lots to learn from them.

Mama knows i'm the crazy daughter and whenever my brothers say i'm not lady-like and would not get any boyfriend, she would stand by my side and say '姐姐不美meh? 妈妈生的leh', my brothers will go reluctantly 'Ok lah' and my father just smile and continue to drive. hahahah. i love them for that (:

although i'm always saying i've gotten all bad traits and features from my parents ie. small eyes from Dad, big nose and siao personality from Mum, they've shown me the best and that is, the one who loves you will accept you as who you are and you don't have to put up a pretence in front of the one you love. :)

Thank God for not letting any other him who don't understand me into my life and I'll continue to wait for the one who is willing to protect a stupid and full of ego shield, someone like my Papa(minus-ing the part that he smokes, sorry Pa!)

Flower boys or what-so-ever, move aside, I need a grand entrance for my prince (:

The fairytale my parents have is going to be the fairytale I want from now on *hearts :D

even if my fairytale does not eventually happen, then I'll just let it be.

I'll continue to be myself and find joy in doing things I love rather than staying by the side of a him who prevents me from being myself.

It may sound sad to some that one could not get boy-girl love from another person, i think it's alright.

There's still a lot of other forms that love can arrive as (:

wow. what a long post i've written.

i had a bad sleep the previous night due to the regrets and guilt I've gotten after my many crazy outings.

the first thing i did when i woke up was to try to find someone to tell these to but all just seem inappropriate.

not to say my friends aren't there for me, i just think typing out in this post helps me to think and it definitely is. (:

i started out my day gloomily and remorseful but here i am now, more clear-minded and happy.

i'm so going to favourite and like this post.

i've used 2hrs typing this and i think i've grown up quite a bit, did I?

friends,i love you guys and hope you can understand me for my wild and too high moments.

i'm a complicated yet simple girl :D

much loves,

I'M ME, KC!

2010-06-02T00:53:00.002+08:00

it's bullshit when they say live life with no regrets.

start regretting to push yourself further

... and then move on.

bye to night,

hello to morning.

stick to routine,

tone it up.

2010-05-31T15:18:00.002+08:00

you may not have known it, but thanks for the one-liner.
i will rather do something and (maybe) regret later than do nothing and regret later.
everything's worth a try.
and it's going to be great being villian once or thrice.
you are another influence to my life.

dont make yourself guilty for more than 2 days.
whatever it is, move on.
life's too short for pretence and mourning over your past mistakes.
you can do better than that and whoever can accept that will be the winner.
always believe in that.

.......
bring on the rilvary.
LA is so going to crash you.
Watch your butts, Celtics!

2010-05-28T02:15:00.002+08:00

i think i know why i'm still here, at where I am now.

give me a few more years.

give me the time to mature.

let me try.

2010-04-30T00:36:00.004+08:00

Enjoy your times in every moment.

be it with your family, your friends, your school, your hall,

your every little encounters in life.

Has time goes by, time will remind you,

those times will never come again.

2010-04-11T22:56:00.001+08:00

when am i going to pull down my face and ask for their return?
when, oh when?

2010-04-11T02:05:00.001+08:00

and oh, i missed dance.
both hall and studio wu.

:(

2010-04-11T01:11:00.002+08:00

i just can't get it why people can go all the way to outshine someone.
is that even necessary?
yes, you can do your best in everything to beat anyone else,
but not to the extent that you step on top of your competitors(whom sometimes are your firends) in order to advance.
giving your best and win it beautifully is VERY much different from stepping on top of the rest to score your goal.
the latter is just ugly and despicable.

i don't understand too when something simple can be distorted into something aweful.
why do people think so much of some words that simple?
shows that they are way too complicated or just me who's being stupid naive?
not good either way.
hopefully maybe something in between.

yes, true.
it's a competitive world out there.
but is it realy worth it to spend your whole life trying to outdo the rest?
the days you worry way too much,
the nights you spend on scolding yourself for not being perfect
and the mental war you've to fight every now and then to get you going.
where's the joy and happiness you can get when you live in pessimism everyday?

saw some articles online and made me wrote this.
this is not targetted at anyone unless you think it reflects your life now.
why not start enjoying life's every moment?
bad things may become good if you change your thinking.
boring things can be fun too when you view it from another perspective.
everything lies within that thin line of difference.
where you landed on will depends on which side you've chosen.
it all lies in your own hand and your choice takes you to where you're today.
stop blaming everyone or everything else for the life you've now if you're unhappy.
starts appreciating and live a life of your own will.
ultimately, you're the dictator of your own life.

seriously, it's only 1 life for you this lifetime.
LIVE IT WELL!

goodnights;

2010-04-09T01:53:00.002+08:00

how much more courage am i left with?

am i going to even let go my last bit of dignity?

20. what a number.

多年的等待终究会让我迎来什么呢？

我始终不会知道也不能明白，直到那一天的到来。

我知道的，不要身在福中不知福。

但我就是想要狠狠地放上感情，

哪怕最后只会换来一场伤害。

至少我能大声宣布我曾经爱过。

Enough of passer-by.

You just haven't appeared yet.

2010-04-06T17:47:00.002+08:00

are you having that i'll-do-fine-w/o-them attitude now?
tell me you don't.
if so, i'll utterly be disappointed in you and myself.

this is not a fairytale world.
go try it out on your own.
you need to experience things the harsh way before you know what and who to expect in life.
i'm ALREADY TIRED of playing this game with no response from the other side.
Live well huh? you know how i mean it, sweets.

2010-03-31T17:02:00.001+08:00

ASTRONOMY!

I thought I've always loved stars :(

No way, I'm not going to end it just like that.
Gonna fight for that A!!!

I LOVE STARS!

2010-03-29T20:05:00.001+08:00

Let It All Be Gone.
I need to stop going for it.
It'll end soon.

I'm still loved (:

2010-03-26T21:54:00.001+08:00

Hey, May i love you?

-Z Chen

i like your library and his smiley eyes. (:

2010-03-24T23:11:00.004+08:00

i bother because i care.
i won't give a look at it if i don't want it anymore.
don't make me be the latter.
i initiate now and so, please listen.

things are never as pessimistic as you think.
you don't have to be the loser. winning and losing is only a status.
what you need to get it right is your state of mind.
whether you're thinking the correct way or whatever that you assumed is correct.
be more open-hearted to accept things you don't want to hear.
they may hurt but they will make you realise where you stand among the crowd and how they can better you as a whole.
i dare to tell because i cherish you, not because i want to give you a good lashing or to tell you to change your complete self.
you can still be yourself, i can accept that because that's what make who you are.
we'll never be friends for so long if we don't know how to give and take.
i'm not giving in now, i'm reasoning it out.
just a little change and that's what it takes.
what change? we'll have to come face to face and talk.

incidents happened and improper handling of them will sooner or later tear us apart.
i'm not waiting for that to happen so i need to say my piece.
it's up to you if you want to listen.
you'll if you don't want this relationship to dissolve just like that.
this is the most daring confession i've ever made regarding our 8 years long of friendship.
personal messages anywhere else across the internet are not going to make us start talking.
i'm trying to bring this msg across to you via this entry.
i'm always here when you are ready.
it's not time to back away, we've got a battle to fight and a bet to win.

only real friends have the guts to do so.
and you're one to me.
i've started the battle and i need you to win it with me.
i'll be waiting.

2010-03-19T04:29:00.001+08:00

thanks for your love and concern.
it's slowly setting in.
i'm settling down well too.
all the best for tomorrow, the day after and the day after (:

Love you F!

2010-02-04T01:53:00.005+08:00

piles and piles of them.
when will they stop piling up?
i need to start de-piling them soon.
you find the time, hold on to it and don't let it pass so easily.
procrastination and weakness for temptation/distraction are 2 deadly sins.
if this continues, you should just forget about studies and get a life!
be at the correct place, at the correct time and do the correct thing.
for real, now.

i don't need a valentine, that never occurs and i'm tired of the cycle.
i know it all too well.

2010-02-02T16:58:00.002+08:00

it's just another level of pretence,
and another door closed.
you're out.

Darwin's theory of survival.
being selected out?
fear not, at lesast you are still who you are.
just don't lose that self.
it's the rules of life, so accept it and just be it.
don't push it.

please embrace yourself for all the setbacks and prepare well for it. it's the basics for a person like you.

2010-01-26T00:58:00.005+08:00

i need to focus and don't get myself involved in so many things.
it's the quality that you need to bring it to the people, not the quantity.
yes, you can present the quantity but it can only be the case when quality is not being jeopardised.
if you did the wrong thing at the wrong time, it's the flaws that people see and never your trying effort.
no matter how many things you do, they won't justify the mistakes you make and the sloppy work you give.
quantity can't show how involved you are in.
it's the quality that shows how much you've put your heart and soul into the things that you do.
only with this then can people recognise you for your efforts and give you your deserved respect.
or else, you are just one pathetic soul trying to get recognition points for your less-than-stellar performance.
how do you expect one to look upon you highly when you can't generate the results?
how do you expect them to thrust upon you important stuffs when what you've done are just loose pieces that still need to be fixed?
how do you expect them to eradicate the you-being-busy-but-actually-you-are-not-and-still-want-to-act-busy kind of thinking?
and how do you tear the since-you-want-recognition-so-much-then-let-me-give-you-my-most-sympathic smile away from their faces?
stop the acting! get that KC back.
at least she doesn't have any motive, more gullible yet able to discern what's right from wrong.
it's never a tough job to be nice to people. why are you making it so difficult for yourself?
a smile, a nod or a simple gesture is all that it takes.
you don't need to be a speaker, to be the clown or to be the sweet talker.
just be yourself, be the one who thinks before she speaks and the one who fulfil her promises made.
you never have to please everyone. they are not there to be pleased by you.
they are there to accept you as who you are and the greatest job of yours is to MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY before you are able to bring a smile onto their faces.
this is 1 life, YOUR LIFE.
you don't live to regret your moments in your everyday life.
you live to count the blessings, the happiness and to be joyful.
if the sun keeps worrying that her sun rays will scorch the people and hence keeps her colours dull, we would never be able to be warmed by her and appreciate the brightness she has had brought upon us.
stop the worrying, lighten up your life and rejoice!
remember, it's only 1 life for you, KC, live it to the fullest! (:

ps. i don't know how i get to here. the bottom are all random thoughts. most imptly, i need to put my first thought into actions. all for a better tomorrow (: be sincere in everything you do and say. whatever bad that comes your way, solve it with a sincere smile.
lastly, some old quote: make your sacrifices worthwhile by doing the best you can for the thing you are supposed to do.

2010-01-21T02:42:00.003+08:00

i miss hanging out with cousins.
i'm ready to pour everything out whenever i see my friends around.
but when it' s really the time, i back out and swallow all my words in.
there's still no one and it all lies in me.
i just can't seem to find it back.
it's all bottled up and it's not that i can't tell, i don't know how to.
seriously, i've no starting point and no correct person to say it too.
there's just too many things going in my mind and i haven't got the chance to figure it out.
don't come asking. sorry. i need the time.

2010-01-03T21:46:00.002+08:00

ok, so ripples are bullshit.
they will just destroy you without any mercy.
i'm not going anywhere.
i'm staying put and wait.
as still as calm water.
either you come or... there's no other way.

i think i can see where i'll stand 10 years down the road.

anyway, hello 2010.
there's only 1 quote for you.
everything in the NOW.

2009-12-16T17:41:00.003+08:00

i've got my liscense

i'm going on a holiday

i'm loving softball and badminton

i'm doing sports

i'm watching great korean shows

i'm liking what i'm doing

i'm loving my f&f

life's waiting (:

don't expect anything, things happen when you least expect it.

2009-12-06T00:53:00.004+08:00

there were some tiny ripples out there in the ocean,
un-noticeable, small, insignificant.
but if you take a closer look,
they're dancing happily despite their insignificance
and every one of them marks a joyful occasion that their owner has encountered.
though un-noticeable, they speak for him and give him life.
it's very much like a dream that he will not wish to wake up from.
then one day, howling of the winds brought the news of danger.
he knows that someday the ripples will be gone
so he has been holding to it strongly,
making whatever sacrifices he can possibly make to keep them going
but he didnt know that it'll be so soon.
a storm came as expected and wiped them all out.
leaving behind the owner stranded and soul-less.
without life and like a useless ragged doll.
direction-less, he clung onto the memories.
he wished to believe just once more and he waited...
for the cycle to begin again.

there will be a day when the sun shines again,
when the ripples start again,
when they give him life once more,
and that storm will never come again.
there'll be...
there must be...

no more waiting up and 6.

2009-11-15T23:43:00.003+08:00

hallelujah. please forgive me for being here. i seriously need a break from HP102. though i only need to complete the discussion part of my project, it's taking up a lot of my time. can't blame anyone, i just don't(and don't bother to) understand that module well. i was practically crapping my way through the discussion, churning out beautiful KC theories and some mind-influencing statements. hope they are passable. i just need a C for it to be SU-ed!

talked to cousin today. the thoughts of changing courses occupied me for the past few days, part of the reason why i'm not focusing in my revision.(other major part being KC's world's greatest procrastinator with 1.654% mental strength) cousin knocked some sense into me today. there is no easy way out in uni. you either give your all and see where your passion truly lies in the end or you just back out whenever trouble is near and don't even think of getting close to your passion. i'm always in for fun and out for studies. maybe it's the environment or just me not being able to get my priorites right. I WAS trying to figure everything out and NOW i can see some light and the direction i should take. it's time for a switch and change. but first, i've to increase my mental strength. the period that follows is not going to be easy and it's going to be a long road.

minor in studies, major in activities.
laugh it off.
time for change.
i want double majors in studies and activities (:

thanks, THE SECRET.

2009-11-08T17:40:00.002+08:00

just do whatever you promise yourself to do,
stop finding excuses
and you'll love the peace that follows.

hello GD!
kill your mind and let your heart leads you.

everyone out there, we'll tide through this.

2009-10-31T23:57:00.002+08:00

it's the transition phase.
everyone is starting to be different and things are changing.
but why is it happening so fast?
without any tint of warning and worst still, at my most vulnerable state.
it just dropped like a bomb, totally catching me off-guard.
it's been 2 months and i still can't handle it.
if i still can't nip it in the bud, it will sooner or later tear me apart.

i don't like it when this thing is confusing and troubling me all the time.
i shouln't get so distracted by all these superficial stuffs.
i really hate this kind of meaningless war between you and yourself.
it's so brainless and you're really looking for trouble.
as troubled as you're, you can't speak it out.
i'm on my own to figure this out.

there's so many cross-roads in life, do rmb to choose it correctly.
and don't regret your decision.

it's not the right time for this and nothing makes sense anymore.

i will survive. dont worry.

2009-10-28T02:07:00.003+08:00

you can fool the rest, but can you deceit yourself?
cant even be true to yourself?
goodness, pity shit.
i need some cleansing.
of soul and of my thinkings.

i never feel so disgusted by myself before.
seriously, get a life KC!

2009-10-25T10:11:00.001+08:00

time's running out.
get your priorities right.
it's raining.

2009-10-18T17:33:00.002+08:00

my family is my priceless possession
and you guys are the world's greatest gift.
thanks for all the wonderful experiences together.
when life gets bitter, i'll remind myself of these sweet lil things
by wasting my efforts in looking at the negative side of things, i'll become a total loser.
i shall all the more channel my thoughts in thinking of these beautiful ppl and doings.
nothing beats home and all of you :D

on the journey back...
it's time to let you go and soar higher,
and then peace will follow.

2009-10-12T15:43:00.001+08:00

-"Never let go of anything

you can't go a day without thinking it about"

2009-10-12T02:16:00.003+08:00

thanks girls for your concern.
i've gotten past the feeling.
it's just a fight between me and myself, if you know what i mean.

i shall only look out for the ones who i care.
passer-bys in my life, i'll just let you pass.
though the lil footsteps you left behind may have an impact on me,
i can't hold on to you and lose the rest who've gone through even greater things with me.
we made the efforts, it doesn't work out, so just let it go and seek other better happiness.
pity? mayb. but it's for the best for us.

making efforts to maintain something is tiring and school work is not doing anyone of us good both physically and emotionally.
friends are spaeking less, and it's harder to just speak whatever you want.
i really want to make the effort but circumstances pulled me back.
i've to face the reality, the result of my own doings.
everyone is going back to their shells slowly yet surely.
university is you and yourself only.
after class gatherings, mac before sch and crap in class?
what sorta thing is that in u?
JC, i miss you and i regret loathing you.
i want hols!
nothing helps.
eat shit, drink shots, life goes on.
endure? idk.

friends, i miss you.
old kc, i miss you too.

2009-10-09T00:52:00.002+08:00

the feeling is back again

i need to shout!

why do i care so much about their opinions.
worst still they might not even have anything at all
but i still think they have it
goodness.
what am i thinking now?
i cant think straight!
i'm getting paranoid!!!

i really need to talk :(

2009-10-06T02:08:00.000+08:00

fight and win over

yourself.

the real devil of all.

2009-10-01T02:19:00.003+08:00

please make an effort in whatever you do
be it studies or other things that involved you.
goal!

i've weather through the bads, this is not going to bring me down.
give me the strength to tide this through once more.

Happy October (:

2009-09-30T01:58:00.002+08:00

superficiality is crap.
the true beauty can only be seen through the rightful eyes.

thanks lovely people who supported me through the stress. i cant appreciate it enough. (:

2009-09-22T12:16:00.004+08:00

a sudden urge to come up and blog.

what am i exactly chasing after everyday?
the lecture, tutorial, modules, degree, reputation?
all these are so superficial and arent enough to make a person whole.
i need a greater mission.
i hate the rat race but i do not have enough courage to step out of it.
wait till one day when i finally realise what my goal is,
and a bigger dream to motivate me on.
all these are just stepping stones to the realisation of my dream,
and i need to perservere on.
shant give up.

i've got my priorities and i know what i want for now.
just be what a daughter needs to be and what a student needs to be.
and wait patiently for the light to appear on the other side.

dream a lil dream-.

sshhh...

feel like shouting to the world to ssssssllllllloooooowwwwwwww down!
it's life not some chasing game, for goodness sake.

2009-09-03T02:44:00.002+08:00

sleeping is wasting my life away, once again :(
Bed is your sweetheart only at night, KC.
dont dream of laying on it in the afternoon!

RAH!
Concentrate.
Determined.
Perservere On.

Lecture at 830! D:

2009-08-17T00:45:00.002+08:00

school is officially starting today, with all the lectures, tutorials and lab sessions. but i still cant see myself being ready for all these. i can't understand much of the past few lectures and the thought of recapping Alvl Chemistry is killing me. i've forgotten how to take down impt notes but i still rmb vividly how to sleep in lectures. argh!! that's what 9 months of brain inactivity can do to you.

gosh, it's only the second week. i shan't be feeling this way. it's a whole new week with many new stuffs pouring in. i shall keep an open mind, be optimistic and adapt well. i'm keechen leh, ok!

jiayou to all my friends who are having hard time adapting too. and zhu i mean you as well :D
all the best people!

2009-08-11T15:17:00.003+08:00

kc's in her hall room blogging away. had the 1st lecture today after more than 9months and it's oh-so-boring! gotta get use to the long hrs of lectures and the many activities that are going to start soon. i'm looking forward to all (:

anyway, love my hall camp! love bagos and love all niners. i've the feeling that it's going to be an exciting stay in hall :D can't wait for all the fun and shit to begin like what my senior always says. sweet!

having joint hall bash at zouk later. gotta take a nap now. stay tuned.

spoilt brat! :(

2009-07-28T00:21:00.003+08:00

HI!!! I've finally decided to come up and blog :D
i better warn you first.
this post is going to be long.
pictures are all up on facebook so i wont post much here.
ok? so get ready your kopi and read on :))

7th July was a good sunny day. KC woke up early cos she was too excited for the trip. So she...

STOP!
i can see people exiting already. haha. no no, i'll not go this way. i'll cut it short then :)

7th July: SIN-TaoYuan
Reached TY ard 7 plus and we stayed in TY. Roamed around the surroundings of our hotel and got the first fresh experience of how TW is like. Watched TV (they got 100plus channels) until 2plus before finally sleeping.

8th July: TY-KT
Got up early to board the train to KaoSiong. It took us 4 and a half hr to reach and another 2 hr to finally arrive at Kenting. Pretty tiring but our Moo Moo guesthouse lifted our spirits up. After unpacking, we headed down to the beach. We didnt really know our way to the beach so we decided to walk. And oh my, it took us an hr to reach and the big hot sun didnt help at all. Lucky we've our shades and umbrella. We rode the banana boat, some round thing and the water bike. And i love it when we got thrown down to the sea. haha. we walked back to the main Kenting area again and there's the night market waiting for us. perfect! we took a stroll and ate along the way. yummies everywhere and i'm attracted to almost everything. but my stomach couldnt hold them all so i had to give some up :(

9th July: KT-KS(MengSiDai, XingJueJiang)
Cabbed back to KS and checked in to our Indian-themed hotel room. It's yet another beauty after Moo's. Love it! So, it's shopping and night-marketing again. Nice! :)

10th July: KS-KOREA SEOUL
Took high speed rail back to TY. Managed to reach the airport early. Spent our time writing diaries and before we know it, we were on the plane to KR! WL was excited like siao when we finally touched down while I was trying to contain my excitement. haha. Bus to Anguk where Beewon guesthouse is. It's hard to find the place at first but after being given directions, we finally located it. Our ondol room looked cosy at the first sight and gave us the Korean feel.

11th July: Seoul(DongDaeMun.InSaDong)
It's our first day out on Korea roads.The Seoul Metro didnt fail to confuse us like what many tourist guide books have said. It took us 10 minutes to figure out which underpass to enter, 10 minutes to climb up and down many flights of stairs and another 10 minutes to decide which train to board. Nevertheless, it was a fun experience. We had cold noodles @ DDM and i love it. DDM amazed us with all the shopping stores. There's Doota, helloAPM! and Miglore and they sell fancy cheap clothes. And that's the day which triggered our crazy shopping spree for the days that follow. We had our time at DDM before heading back to Anguk InSaDong, a place which eludes artistic and cultural feel. There's a band playing by the road and artists giving sketches of patrons at their stands. But the things sold there was pissayo(expensive). So we could only look around.
Food: Korean Jiu Gong Ge Meal

12th July: Seoul(MyeongDong, NamDaeMun)
Bought socks at NDM. Had Ginseng chicken :)) And i was especially delighted to listen to a bit of BabyJoon's radio programme @ 2am before going to bed.

13th July: Seoul(Ewhwa Girls University, Hongik, Sinchon)
Another shopping day. So it's just walk, walk, look and shop. Korea roads can get as steep as 45 degree and it was quite a great workout for us. ahem.
Food: Some claypot stew. Street Vendor's ddokbulggi and glutinuous rice sticks.

14th July: Seoul(MunJeong, Apgujeong, Rodeo Street)
What a day! The storm was here on the day we planned to go shop for sports shoes at a rather far place and go star-hunting at Apgujeong. It rained heavily, turned lighter, poured again, subsided a bit and rained, poured, wind blew, thundered all at once. That happened throughout the whole day and night. So both WL and I were dry, wet, dry, wet all day long. it's really pathetic but we still loved it (at least i did) crazy nuts! haha. it was this day that we found out that we were pretty good at finding our ways around. everytime we thought we're going to be lost among the Koreans and their streets, woof, we found our way :D i really applaud our great sense of direction. drank soju for the first time and it's yucks!!! it tasted totally like pure alcohol with no flavours at all. like dongdongju, cant appreciate it either. so we didnt manage to see any stars but it was still a memorable day for us.
Food: Kimchi Jigae, ondel, gimbap. BBQ Pork.

15th July: Seoul(NamDaeMun 2nd time, MyeongDong 2nd time, DDM 2nd time)
The two places which we visited 3 years ago. NDM's famous for the cute socks and MD's famous for the many beauty stores. Loved these two places as well. And we were happy to find the same shops which we had visited before. Awesome! Bought my SS501 and SUJU stuffs here. Double loves :D The earings are cheap, artbox is cheap, masks and nail polish are CHEAP! we bought etude house nail polish@ 1000 won for 2 and it's only a dollar plus s$. plus, the quality is good and it's easy to apply them on. so in total, we bought like 15 bottles of nail polish, 50 plus pieces of masks, 45 pairs of earings(WL alone got herself 29 pairs) and 20 schedule books+notebooks from artbox. crazy spree!!! our hands were swollen from all the shopping bags but we were happy girls :)) But once we reached our room, we met our nightmares. The shopping bags from previous days were all piled up and with our new purchase, we had a hard time packing everything into our luggage. We were so stressed up (from shopping stuffs for goodness' sake) and we only managed to finish packing at 5am. wow!
Food: Krill and King Crab Porridge

16th July: Seoul(Lotte World, MD 3rd time)
Woke up @ 9am and we were late. Met up with WL's penpal and her friend. We went to the Lotte World and it's still the same. And i was pulled back to the memories from our previous visit. Rode the crazy ride again and we've a whale of our time playing around despite our lack of sleep. Went lotte mart to get ourselves ziplocks for further packing of bags. Although our luggage was at their brinks of bursting, we still went to MD to buy more beauty products. Goodness! we had sauna @ MD as well and it's quite an experience. be prepared to bare it all if you guys want to try it out :) and needless to say, we faced another nightmare back in our room again before finally sleeping @ 3am.
Food: Jajangmyeon, Ginseng chicken

17th July: Seoul-Taipei(Ho73L,Shida Yeshi)
It's our last day in Seoul and we didnt have time to give the city a final stroll. I was like dragging myself and my huge luggage, backpack while trying my best to take care of my hat, hairband and posters. 1 word-UNGLAM! Reached the airport, weighed our luggages and OMG! overweighed by 10plus kg. With nobody to help check in tog, we kept our fingers crossed and money prepared for any extra charge. But whoa! We managed to check in successfully and I was able to pass to enter the departure hall with my 14kg heavy backpack. Whew! After all excitement, we finally got to enjoy our meal. WL with her fave bibimbap and me with my nyomyeon :D while eating, we saw Wilber Pang with his injured hand. poor guy. and i think he knew we're not his fans cos we were totally calm and reaction-less when we saw him. and we were too busy eating to take our cam out to take a photo of him. haha. and it's time to say good-bye :(
hello TW again. Went straight to our hotel, Hotel 73(Ho73l) via cab. we really got too much luggage so we decided to send some back home via air mail. i packed a total of 13kg and it costed me S$120plus. so i'm free of 13kg and i could shop again. haha. went Shida night market for dinner and we bought shoes :)) Shoes in Korea are too small for us :( TW's ones are perfect!

18th July: Taipei(Ximending, Ruao He Yeshi)
Shopping again. Saw Aaron Kwok. Had our mango ice and my pig's blood :) Oyster egg and many good food. Yum!!! Bought My Beauty Diary Masks.

19th July: Taipei(JiuFen, XMD)
Visited JiuFen- a cultural tourist attraction. The road up was winding and bumpy. Had our ice with our favourite yu yuans again and tea at teahouse. Quite a relaxing day for us before we decided to head back to XMD @ 11pm for K session. Before that, we went to the Taipei main city area to explore. 101, nyny, xin guang san yue and i simply love the bookstore. You're free to sit anywhere and browse any books you want. love it! we sang K until 5am before heading back to our hotel.

20th July: Taipei(Danshui, Shilin night market)
Went Danshui and had our foot and body massage there. 11 days of sore and tiredness disappeared after it. Went Shilin for our dinner and the gigantic chicken cutlet was my fave. Went back hotel and again our luggage seems bigger than before even though we tried cutting back on buying many things. we could only pray there's ppl to help us check in tog the next day.

21st July: Taipei-SIN
Woke up for hotel breakfast before rushing off to buy pineapple tarts and green bean tarts. Went carrefour after that to buy WL's TW cup noodles. Checked out and cabbed to the airport. Budget airline is indeed budget. We cant carry more than 1 hand-carry luggage and it can only weigh 7kg and mine alr weighed 11kg. all our 6 bags weigh more than 50kg and we're doomed to pay S$300 plus if we were to check all of them in. lucky for us, we met 2 nice guys(steven&mike) with little luggage and they helped us with the checking in. It was really a great relief for both of us and we cant thank them enough. :D and we happily flew home with all memories kept close to our hearts.

After all commotion and adrenaline rush, we ended our 2 weeks long trip with friends made and experience gained. It's really a great accomplishment for both of us and i truly treasure this wonderful experience. the world we met is friendly up till now. with given chances, i'll not hesitate to go explore it again. reality check. it's back to normal life now but i cant wait for our next travel. it'll be real soon, i believe :D

hello you! you've made a great accomplishment for reading finish my post too. thanks for staying. (:

2009-07-22T02:59:00.003+08:00

HELLO! I'M BACK!

more updates on my trip later.

I'm just too excited now.

Cos dearest kelly got me a pair of tickets to KOBE ASIA TOUR!

and i'm attending it with my Mum, another huge KB fan, later.

Thanks Kelly!

Got to catch some sleep now.

Cant wait :D

2009-07-07T13:16:00.002+08:00

Alright ppl! HONG WAN LING and I are waiting patiently to board the plane at T1. I cant hold my excitement for these trips. AWESOME! I shall bring back many goodies for you dear ppl. Wait for us and keep us in your prayers :) We'll make a safe trip there and back so no worries ok? (: Love you guys!

lalala~~ :D

2009-07-05T23:20:00.009+08:00

Yep yep. I'm back from Pulau Redang and my first ever diving trip. Everything's so awesome! Scuba diving, redang, the people, the scenary... LOVES! :D

Siao cha bo dynn and me in ling's pj

Arrival

The Paradise

Chilling out area

Pedang Pelangi Resort

Gearing up for our Open Sea trip

My first Giant Stride Entry

And we dived!

I adore the little fishes.

A gigantic stingray.

And NEMO!

haha.

We were considered lucky to have seen many sea creatures such as turtle, baby shark, starfish and the giant stingray in our 6 diving trips. We went as deep as 18.5m and seriously, I loved the underwater world. It's really one big eye-opener and a great beauty. I'm looking forward to more diving trips in future and hope my friends can come along as well. Let's share the fun :D

.........

We were busy with our skills learning and our written homework so we didnt have much time to hang out ard the island in the first 3 days. We finally got our chance on the last night after we've successfully completed our course. And oh my, I'm amazed by Redang's beauty. Daytime at Redang is peaceful and when night falls, it's totally crazy with the loud music and disco in every resort. Clubbing by the beach, exciting right? I'm so in love with Redang now. Relaxing, carefree with tints of craziness when you want it. Heaven! ((:

My favourite BBQ Sweet Potato

Getting a fake tattoo

Night falls

The name says it all

Our instructors

Thanks Thanks Thanks!

Let's dance!

My dance partner Witness. (:

Our resort

My favourite dive center

Sunrise

And it's time to say goodbye :(

At the boat jetty

Flight back home :)

So that's all for my redang trip. That's really a wonderful experince and i hope to visit it again. Now i'm fully energised for my next trip.

TAIWAN & KOREA, HERE I COME!!!

..............

And i just heard from the news that

KOBE BRYANT'S COMING TO SPORE ON 22ND JULY!

OMG!

HOW AWESOME IS THAT???

Please let it be true. :)

I want to see him in real man!

that'll be a dream come true for me :D

July is such a great month, isnt it? ;P

2009-06-28T01:13:00.004+08:00

my cousin was here and we went window shopping for the past few days.

i fell in love with this outfit (:

shall check out more on such clothings

dynn intoduced me to lomography and i loved that DIANA camera.

maybe i shld get one of those for some lomo pics.

and it was Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen yesterday with dynn and bro.

sorry May for not being able to go with you.
the movie was great though.

i love BEE! (:

and finally, i'm going off on my 1st trip :D

till then~

the SS501 & SUJU craze (:

2009-06-15T11:49:00.003+08:00

LAKERS' THE CHAMPION

KOBE'S THE MVP.

A great ending to the season I've come to love so much. I shall start looking forward to the next season. Thanks Lakers, Kobe & Co. (:

gotta pack soon.

2009-06-06T23:50:00.002+08:00

before today ends,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Lil KIKI!
and Mr. Leader :D
happiness be with you two.

2009-06-05T16:49:00.003+08:00

they won (:

anyway, sorry wl for insisting to go and making you worry for my diving trip. just allow me to be selfish for this once and let's hope for the best for everything. i'll get as much info as i can regarding my status so dont worry too much for me. i'll come back to sg safe and sound and all ready for our first-precious-planned trip on 7th Jul. promise!

feel like i'm going on some adventure. just keep me in your prayers and we'll get to enjoy our trip real soon :D

they're cute.

2009-06-03T23:22:00.002+08:00

coming soon...

2009-05-30T23:36:00.002+08:00

i love how my family is all seated down in front of the television and watch the basketball game together.
and my grandmother is the newest addition.
we're all rooting for you, LA. (:

sorry for the nba-heavy posts recently.
cant help cos the season is coming to an end and the climax is here.
hope this dont bore you out.
if it really does, then check out the videos at the side.
i love the songs and dances. :D

humans are greedy creatures after all.
when will things get settled and when will peace come?
please be with us, the Great.

2009-05-28T01:33:00.002+08:00

netizens fired up at forums is quite a scene to see.
why are we so affected by ball games not played by us?
hmm, the talk of charisma.

please win again, LA.

2009-05-27T03:53:00.001+08:00

and i've accepted.
come back to me, biology.

2009-05-23T23:32:00.004+08:00

actually, i'm still unsure which to go for. BS doesn't look that attractive to me anymore after i've read through the course modules.i'm not really into knowing details of every single cell/organism/function blahblahblah, whereby all these make up a bulk of the degree programme. i reckon only those who really have a strong love and passion for it are able to graduate with good credits. sadly yet truthfully, i dont see myself falling into that catergory 4 years down the road.
as much so as i don't want to admit it, i'm the one who is greatly influenced by the phenomenal CSI Effect. I've been trying to convince myself that i truly adore forensic science for what it is and not the glamorised field of forensic science in CSI franchise. i know deep down in my heart that's a lie. a lie which helped sustained my interest in biology for 4 years. don't get me wrong. given a choice between physics and biology, biology will always be the only choice. plus, forensic science is a really interesting field of study. but the never-ending details of life sciences can really tire one out. i think i can only take it up as an interest and not as an profession.
ah, yes.
Interest VS Profession.
i think this is the differentiating factor that i've been missing out.
hmm alright, i'm in a much better position to see where i truly stand now.

I'll just give myself another chance.
if nothing's gonna be changed, i'll stick to it and find ways to reignite genuine scientific interest in BS.
just wait and see.

i can't help but feel a stab of guilt.

please win tomorrow, LA :)

2009-05-17T21:40:00.002+08:00

just got back from T1 not long ago. helped out with the event again and i loved the job. thanks jas again. i love the star too, Mr. Balloon :D

Game 7 is on today. why do they fickle so much? Game 6 was so unbearable to watch and they can get disappointing at times. but, they are still my favourite team.
Come on, Lakers! Grab the lead from the start and dont lose it. finish it quick and get them done with. the championship is the reward. GOGOGO!!!

you.

2009-05-10T23:13:00.000+08:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

we love you ma <3

2009-05-10T00:24:00.004+08:00

sushi dinner and mahjong yesterday with kel and py were fun. on top of that, today's 30 mins wait for lunch at IKEA and an hour long queue with them at expo MPH books sale were quite an experience. :)) the queue at the sale was so freaking long that it spanned half of the expo hall and the queue just went round and round. lucky there's books everywhere, so we just picked any books we saw off the boxes as we walked along. i managed to read about President Barack Obama, glanced through the lonely planet book on Seoul and flipped through a few pages of People and a book on Lewis Hamilton. the pace with them was slow and laid-back and i really enjoyed the companion. thanks ladies! :)

went to meet wl after leaving the sales and we continued with our planning. seriously speaking, we never paid much attention to avian flu or what-so-ever in the past. but now, due to H1N1, we searched for the latest updates whenever possible because of our Korea trip. our parents were concerned for our health and strongly objected to our korea trip. that's why we need ample evidence to prove to them that Korea is not having a big serious problem with the influenza now. what a time! :( oh please God, improve the situation asap...

we went for dinner at t3 and i saw Mrs kuah with her cute little boy. i didnt go up to say hi cos i think it'll be kind of awkward. so i just looked at them from afar. and this really makes me sounds like a stalker. haha:P

ok, after everything, i got back home and there's the big brown envelope waiting for me. i opened it and it said i'm being accepted into NUS REAL ESTATE. i was stunned at first and try to think of things that were linked to RE. nothing came out except for CBD along Singapore River and faces of RE agents on the pieces of paper found in every letter box. sorry but that's the image i had for RE. :) to think that i got into my 6th choice(i supposed), NUS choosing process must be pretty stringent. that's no wonder for she's one of the top notch university in the world. hmm. i've loved to study in NUS but RE is really not of my interest. think i'll just go ahead and pursue my interest in Biological Sciences in NTU. so long, NUS...

ps. looking for room mate now :D
pps. LAKERS leads 2-1!!! 2 more wins, boy! :)

2009-05-04T17:07:00.002+08:00

i'm now at bedok lib blogging away. thought the internet connection would be slow over here but it turned out to be faster than what i've thought. shall try out other libriaries next time especially i'm in a studying-and-planning mode now.

job hunting yesterday with grace was fine and we managed to secure a job at alldressup, thanks to may :D though it's only for a day, it's better to do it rather than staying at home and rot. so i'm very much open to any temporary jobs. if you've any, dont forget to contact me or grace. (:

alright, that's all for now.
hope the H1N1 Influenza situation gets better and that my army stuffs get resolved asap.

ka!

2009-05-01T00:52:00.002+08:00

i'm starting to realise the seriousness of this whole thing.

i received this letter dated 9 May 2008 yesterday.
i didn't report on 15 June 2008.
i didn't send the relevant documents in for approval of my deferment.
i do not understand the ____ Malay words used in the letter and forms.
i do not know where to look for help and the website is full of Malay words.
and i seriously think that sending the late documents in aint going to help me at all.
coming june, i would have been a deserter for a year and worst come to the worst,
imprisonment for a freak 19 yr old who know nuts about her birth country's national anthem and language.

is this going to be true?
shit ass, i really don't know.
but i really do fear.

2009-04-30T21:14:00.002+08:00

alright alright! I PASSED FTT! Everyone rejoice! haha.
now the real thing is gonna began and i'm so excited for it.
i can't wait!
aja chingu! all the best for your upcoming test ;)

anyway, i've received the letter from ntu and it's my desired subject- Biological Sciences :D
now, i just have to wait for nus' letter before deciding which to go for. (hopefully there's one from nus soon)

and i just realised that i'm supposed to report to Malaysia Army last year. so now i'm a deserter. goodness! i've better go complete all the forms now. please dont let all these hinder my travel plans. arghs!

Taiwan's BEER

Korea's SOJU

2009-04-30T03:00:00.004+08:00

i'm having my FTT in a few hours' time. tried the e-trials on the test engines for a dozen times and i'm only able to obtain 3 passes. urgh! really hoped i can pass later in just 1 shot. shall test myself again later in the morning. wish me luck ppl! :)

anyways, LAKERS made it to the second round. :D
it's either ROCKETS or TRAIL BLAZERS now.
best if it's ROCKETS cos LAKERS are impregnable when against them.
even if it's not, i believe LAKERS can still make it to the final round.
HELLO! they are going for the CHAMPIONSHIP, k?

dont turn into blind alleys,
have a greater heart, as in literally,
and you'll understand
no hard feelings, friends.

i realised i've forgotten much Chinese words.
i can't do this to myself.
shall do some writing every now and then.
after all, that's my roots :D

Taiwan's HOT SPRING

Korea's SAUNA

2009-04-26T22:18:00.003+08:00

oh yeah! LAKERS leads 3-1 now ^.^

and jas, thanks for the job offer :)
bb, greenie.

taiwan's STINKY TOFU

korea's DDUKBOKKI

2009-04-25T22:38:00.004+08:00

after last week craze in planning our itinery, we've booked and yak su in so much things.

HELLO, TAIWAN & KOREA!
meet us in july (:

I CANT WAIT! :D

taiwan's JOE

korea's SS501

2009-04-24T23:10:00.006+08:00

hell ya! keechen is still survivng. :D

and she's getting a bit out of control!!!

as usual, GO LAKERS!!!

catch you again next time :)

2009-04-06T23:55:00.003+08:00

went gym today and the workout was great. especially after indulging myself in malacca's yummies over the past 1 week. :)

after gym, cabbed down to jurong east to collect my lappy. was excited about being able to use it once i reached home but the most unexpected happened. alighted right in front of my house and as i was walking up the walkway to the lift, my laptop escaped from my arms and DROPPED to the hard concrete pavement. i could really hear my heart broken at that moment. argh! hoping that it can survive the drop, i bent down to grab it and guess what?, it slipped from my fingers and went into the drain!!! oh gosh, OKC, how clumsier can you get man? really felt like killing myself at that moment.
inspected my com right after i reached home and there were so many scratches on her once-smooth cover :( some parts jutted out and the disc player was loose :((
my heart was as good as dead when i on the lappy. unsurprisingly, the cracked screen showed the seriousness of the 2 falls. yeeks! damn stupid KC! :((

so now i need to make another trip down to the service center again. i can really make good friends with the service staffs there now. and visiting them 2 days back to back? AH. that must be a first, so give me a VIP queue please, SAMSUNG. haha. and i'm not going to cab down already. the trips back and forth cost a freaking 50 bucks man! and it all amount up to 2 big CRASHES! gg la, KC!

so angry at myself!
aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!
D:

2009-03-19T02:14:00.007+08:00

MY LOVE! <3

2009-03-12T18:04:00.003+08:00

just found out that i've to work until 21st march. :(
i was upset by the fact and i couldn't reject it.
i can only blame myself for not getting perfect information in the first place.
i was still considering converting to part time but this does it, i'm quitting for good :)
it's not the people over there i hate. it's the nature of the work and the many facets of the upper upper upper management which i detest. in fact, the friends i met there are the ones who make me survive through the harsh course of the work. without them, i dont think i'll want to make it straight to the end.

however bad this job is, it taught me responsibility and to consider decisions correctly when working in a team. as i said before in the few posts back, one's decision and action can easily affect the operations of the whole team. if luckily, there's ways to revive a bad situation, that'll be good and everyone can treat it as if nothing has happened. if unluckily there's not, worst things might happen not only to the one who caused it as well as those innocent people who have no choice but to pick up the shit. (how do i know this? cause sometimes i'm the trouble-maker. opps! sorry. )

besides all these, the whole working experience shows me what are the most important things in my life. it should have been known by now. the word spells family:) i'm looking forward to the sundays when i can have brunch with them again. and not forgetting to mention, the short holiday trip back to malaysia soon. yippee!!!

i've already in mind what to do after my resignation.
spend time with family, apply to u, complete driving tests and get my liscense, outings with friends, continue dancing, scuba-diving, swimming, plan holiday trip to Taiwan with WL, get odd jobs, mayb helping Damai Alumni and so much more...
Aha! Freedom at last! :)
thinking of those above is enough to make my last work week pass by in a breeze. :D

i'm in a happy mood now cause
1.Of things stated above.
2.I get to eat my AhMa's chicken rice later for dinner.
3.WL's coming over to plan our trip again.
4.BOF's OSTs are so nice
5.Singing K with my collegues tmr.
6.and, LAKERS playing tmr and i can watch it live @ 8am.
ps. i'm still searching for KB's female jersey. anyone know where to get it? =P

alright, that's all for now.
it's dinner's time! :))))

2009-03-10T22:55:00.003+08:00

before i forget, i've to express my gratitude towards all my great teachers.

Thanks to
Mrs Janice Loke for improving my GP
Mr Chua for his endless help in my Math
Mr Joseph Lee for his guidance in Chemistry
Mr Choo for making me understand Biology
Ms Lim for her teaching in Economics
Mr Chow for Chinese
and Mr Tan for his great help in PW

Also, thank you Mr Wong for correcting my chemistry during ALvl period and Mr Phua for giving me advices on different U courses after release of results.

A BIG THANK YOU TO YOU GUYS, my beloved teachers! (:
and i really cant thank enough.
you guys are the greatest and i bet the rest think so too.

thankies to friends who gave me well wishes too :)

love ya all!

2009-03-10T01:38:00.008+08:00

result's out 2 days ago and for mine, it's plain average.
when i received it, i stared at it for a few seconds and tried to figure out whether to be happy or not about it. cos it was neither too good nor too bad. it's hanging in the air and i'm like someone with a burp stuck halfway after a full meal. the feeling wasnt great. no one emotion can be used and "hmm...","huh?" are what i've got.
the worst expectation i got for myself after A's was DDBBB.
so looking back at my pink result slip, i guessed i've met it more or less.

it's my family who gave me the assurance that i've gotten good results. they were proud of me when i showed it to them. saying that i've survived through the harsh curriculum and achieved great results all by myself :P even though i said it's not good enough and there're many people scoring better grades than me, their words and encouragement warmed my heart ;) frankly speaking, these results are uncomparable to the perfect scores scored by the elites and cant land me in good business courses(not even thinking of taking them in the first place) or science courses. but my lovely family's recognition for my minor efforts made in A's is what that is important to me. i'm glad to hear their praises and them rendering their fullest support to me in pursuing the course that i want. this support and love from them tops everything and my results didnt seem that significant after all in comparison :)
thanks to AhGong, AhMa, PaPa, MaMa, brothers and all my aunt, uncles and cousins(",)
really thank them for the care and concern, and giving me the drive to work harder to achieve better progress for them and myself :D
zillions loves to you guys, muackies!!!

so i've done some research on the different courses over the past few days. pharmacy, bioengineering, health sciences, psychology, civil engineering and maritime engineering all look appealing to me. some courses above are definitely going to attract tight competition. nevertheless, i'm still going to try for them(: yeah, so i've decided to try for local u's programmes first. if i didnt get accepted into any of it, i'm going for overseas u. i'm considering marine biology if i'm going for overseas u. i'm just hoping that the harsh reality and competition can spare me this time and accept me into my preferred course. =P
oh, before ending, i just wanted to say that engineering is so being underrated. after looking at the different engineering courses' brief curriculum, it's not that bad at all actually. why do most people categorize engineering into the course for the rejecteds of business and science? it looks pretty promising and adventurous and gives various opportunities to many lucrative and exciting sectors. guess the only reason it's not being sought after is that humans still prefer the safest route. i maybe one of them before but i've liked to try new stuffs now. :P

to all of my friends,

This Is It.
we've no choice but to accept whatever we get. regardless of how bad it might be, there's always a way to achieve what we want. in this world full of opportunities, we'll definitely find one place where we truly belonged to and get our success from it. it's not the time for the pessimistic bug to haunt us. neither is it time to overwhelm yourself with insatiable wants. be realistic and find a happy way to live your life.
with all of my sincere love, may all of you be blessed with happiness and pave a road to success with great optimism.
get your buffalos, shovels, bulldozers ready and LET'S GO!

HELLO, LIFE! :)

2009-03-03T00:58:00.003+08:00

yeeks!
shan't care now.
it'll happen no matter how awful i imagine it'll be.
shall continue leading my mundane existence till FRI 230pm arrives.

nights! lovely family and friends (:

2009-03-03T00:54:00.001+08:00

OMG!
results will be out this friday.
and i cant stop thinking of the 101 scenerios that may occur.
it's driving me nuts now
and this sucks! :(

2009-02-26T21:23:00.005+08:00

aloha! it has been a week and i'm here enjoying the last few hours of my off day. work's still the same but the little things that happened in and out of work life make my days more complete. (:

attended YOGA'S concert in Singapore Indoor Stadium with best friend BZ last friday. I enjoyed it quite a lot cos firstly, we were sitting very near to the stage and secondly, the concert lasted for a good 3 hours :) although most of the songs he sang were unfamiliar to us, we loved them still cos he sang them with his own groove and style. Olivia and S.H.E made the audiences went wild when they delivered their songs, esp S.H.E. In awe with their performances, best friend and I make a pact again to attend S.H.E concert when they come to perform in town. Us and our concert pacts again. HahA. The concert ended after two rounds of encores and some of the fans were still unwilling to leave the stadium. that shows his ability :) thanks darling best friend for going with me. there's more to come alright, bizhen? ;D

on sat, went out with some of the bada. like finally! we were supposed to celebrate bernice post bday at her house but due to several reasons, we had a little gathering at burger kings instead. though it's only for a whlie, the get together session was sweet and it made me missed school so much. :( we filled each other up with our work lives and promised to go out soon again. bernice suggested a short holiday to a country nearby. how about it, bada? need to get down to it soon :) see you guys when we meet again :D

it was christine's last day at work. so cindy and i took a photo with this sweet girl :) all the best for your studies in aus, chris :D

...

and i saw VANNESS yesterday, who came to cineleisure to promote his movie. i know the F4 craze was over eons ago and yes, i'm not that crazy over him now, but i was still excited to see him real life. he appeared,i screamed and my heart fluttered for like, 5 seconds? and that's it. :)

i realised it's better you dont meet celebrities. at least you can continue to dream fantansy about them and give all these celebrities a mysterious feel. once you met them in person, it'll dawn on you that they are just normal people after all. and it will make you sounds like a freak when you keep fretting over a normal person. i think this is going to be my opinion at this point of time. becasue i dont know when i'll revert back to the one who'll bother my friends with my craziness over my idols. haha.

...

had 10 dance lessons so far and i'm venturing into street jazz and J/K POP now. JKP had very fast moves and street jazz needed much flexibility. i may be able to get the steps right but i just cant seem to catch the correct power, groove and attitude of the dance. this is one thing i've to learn more about. think dance is only going to be a one time thing for me. even if it's not, i'm just learning it for fun. i dont dance well but i fulfil my dream of learning it and that's all i want. :)

...

The whole afternoon of my off day was spent researching on backpacking to Taiwan with WL. We got so excited when we saw the many beautiful hotels and home-stays. And i cant stop telling WL that i must visit all the cities and try all their food. I must gain back the weight i lost at work in Taiwan. LOL :) SO after a whole afternoon of planning and researching, we had a rough itinery mapped out. Had to work more on it when we meet again. I cant wait man, WL! :P

...

alright, this is a long enough post. Gotta catch my dramas now.

Nana! :D

2009-02-16T12:31:00.002+08:00

West won with the final score 146-119.
AND, Kobe-Shaq are the co-MVP!
what a perfect ending for their reunion :)

alright KC, get back to bed now.

sayo! =D

2009-02-16T03:39:00.003+08:00

ALRIGHT! it's the NBA ALL-STAR WEEKEND!
cant wait for the all star game later today. shall wake up early again but it's all worth it :)

Look at each day and let it turn out to be a day you are happy with.
By being negative, the only person who lose out is you.

So cheers, people!
The only person who can bring happiness and smiles to you is YOU! :)
Dont forget the fact and influence those around you with your sunshine-ness :D

Nights-doo :P

*~*IntEreStIng.wIf lUrVe.>an 0rdInaRy gArl l!viNdg a meAninGfuL liFe<*~*

~IntEreStIng.wIf lUrVe.>an 0rdInaRy gArl l!viNdg a meAninGfuL liFe<~